Madelaine Shaw-Wong

The medicine that heals me

Makes me sick

My hair falls out in clumps

My brain swirls

Chemotherapy

A fog that will not lift

I despair

I see fear in my children’s eyes

They suffer also

I’m afraid

Don’t take me from them

Do you hear me?

I cry out in anger

This is wrong!

Do I deserve to suffer?

Help me understand

You know me

You know my heart

Truth will set me free

I don’t know what that means

You live in eternity

We live in time

You created the universe from nothing

 And saw that it was good

You did not create suffering

We rebelled

And fell from grace

You suffered

Showing us the horror

Suffering

Suffering points to the evil of sin

To the evil one

Your innocence

You could have called on the angels

But did not resist

Your suffering

Painful

Heartbreaking

Help me

What can I do?

Can I trust You?

Put your yoke upon my shoulders

Take up my cross

So that with You

My suffering will be redemptive

You are all-knowing

I submit to Your will

I trust You

Not passive acceptance

But a struggle

I fight for my children

Against the evil

That brought this illness into my body

And into my home

I ask again

And again for strength

So like Job

I can honour You with prayer

A powerful weapon

Against hopelessness